Community High School

The Life of a “B” Student

I am your stereotypical dude; I like sports, music and girls. School sucks. The first quarter of this school year I received the following grades: B+ in Spanish, A- in Law, B in Geometry, B+ in Advanced Journalism, A in U.S. History, B+ in Science, and an A in Forum.

To me, those grades could be better, but are not a disaster. I think my mother contemplated getting a direct flight to the Grand Canyon and jumping off.

Robbie Stapleton was more of a happy medium, calling them “very good Michigan State grades.”

That cuts me deep.

??!http://farm1.static.flickr.com/185/384701899_3a93facf69.jpg! %I am comparable with my cousin Danny.  Nobody likes him.  But at least Danny got good grades.%??

The only things that kept my mom from following through with her plans are my siblings. In my brother Henry’s three year career of receiving letter grades, he has never gotten anything less than an A. And now my sister, a sixth grader, had a spotless report card in her nine weeks of middle school.

That is why their grades decorate the refrigerator, and mine are buried somewhere underneath the 1,476 pounds of mail on the table in our living room.

If you asked anyone in my family, the eight year old Jack-O might as well be smarter than me.

Even when we were young our babysitter told us that Henry would be the president, and I would be the bum chilling at the White House. The next Bill and Roger Clinton, or worse, Jimmy and Billy Carter.

In a family of doctors and lawyers, Harvard and Notre Dame graduates, I am just a blemish. Blood grosses me out; the government bores me.

I’m beginning to get the sense that I am comparable to my cousin Danny, the 36 year old who, until last year, lived with his dad and spent 15 years as an amateur golfer.

Nobody likes him.

But at least Danny got good grades.

I still have plenty of cousins to balance out Danny and me. I have a cousin who is a rocket scientist, and his brother speaks fluent French. If academics aren’t enough, I have two second cousins who I could never top. Meredith is on a cross country scholarship to The University of Kentucky, and Mark was the 21st overall pick in the 2003 NHL draft by the Boston Bruins.

I suck.

But I am good at some things. Like most other B students, I have perfected the art of digging myself out of a hole. I recovered from an E, C, a couple S+s and a couple B’s to get the previously mentioned grades.

I thought that was pretty impressive.

No it wasn’t.

“I would be very disappointed if these were your semester grades,” says mom.

This leads me to wonder: why is it that I get these grades?

_I care more about Madden 07 than FOS 2, Sports Illustrated more than Street Law, A Tribe Called Quest more than a tribe called Chippewa._

Well, I play football, but so does straight-A student Paul Princen. Sometimes during class time in the computer lab, I choose to play city jumper extreme. But so does straight-A student Dylan Cinti.

Cheryl says an A student is someone who attends class. I do that. Do more than the bare minimum. Check. Complete all assignments. Check (I’m assuming whether they are on time or not is irrelevant.) Study for tests. No check.

Why don’t I study?

“Because you’re lazy!”

Thanks Laurel, but I’ve already come to terms with that.

I don’t really like doing anything. I have a lot of fun doing nothing.

I care more about Madden 07 than FOS 2, Sports Illustrated more than Street Law, A Tribe Called Quest more than a tribe called Chippewa.

I know what you all are thinking: buck up and deal with it.

No.

Why can’t we take a tip from France (I know, just hear me out) and allow our students to study strictly what they want to study? I get As in my English and History classes. But the colleges I am accepted to may very well depend on the marks I get in math and science. Two things I hate with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

Earlier this year I told my grandmother I was taking geometry. She then said “That’s great, of course you’ll never use that again in your life, but that’s really great.” You’re just fueling my fire grandma.

My opinion is: if you’re not curing cancer, then who cares what a punnet square is? But that’s just my opinion.

This attitude might come back to bite me in the rear, but I will deal with that when it comes.

For now I’m the man.